Witness: Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low.
But he couldn't handle it.

Prosecutor: Buddy couldn't handle it? Was Buddy one of your crew?

Witness: Right. Buddy was the bombardier. But it was Striker who
couldn't handle it, and he went to pieces.

Prosecutor: Andy went to pieces?

Witness: No. Andy was the navigator. He was all right. Buddy went to
pieces. It was awful how he came unglued.

Prosecutor: Howie came unglued?

Witness: Oh, no. Howie was a rock, the best tailgunner in the outfit.
Buddy came unglued.

Prosecutor: And he bailed out?

Witness: No. Andy hung tough. Buddy bailed out. How he survived, it
was a miracle.

Prosecutor: Then Howie survived?

Witness: No, 'fraid not. We lost Howie the next day.

Prosecutor: Over Macho Grande?

Witness: No. I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande.

Ok, I'll ask... WHAT is that from?? I can't place it!

quote:

Originally posted by scottydl:
WHAT is that from?? I can't place it!

Airplane 2 The sequel

The quote is here You'll have to scroll down a little.

Simon: Gentleman, I'd like you to meet our new captain.
Clarence Oveur: Gentlemen, welcome aboard.
Simon: Captain, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer Mr. Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Unger.
Unger: Oveur.
Dunn: Oveur.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn. Gentlemen, let's get to work.
Simon: Unger, didn't you serve Oveur in the Air Force?
Unger: Not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn.
Dunn: Yep.
Simon: So, Dunn you were under Oveur and over Unger.
Unger: Yep.
Clarence Oveur: That's right. Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.
Unger: So you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.

Who's on first?

Semi-Thread drift, but along these lines:

In his book, "Sled Driver," SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes: "I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern California , 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope.

I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed.
"90 knots," Center replied.
Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same.
"120 knots," Center answered.

We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as, almost instantly, an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout."
There was a slight pause, then the response,"525 knots on the ground, Dusty."

Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized that Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?"
There was a longer than normal pause.... "Aspen , I show 1,742 knots" (That's about 2,005 mph!)

Here in Minneapolis our "exclusive" neighbor hood is a town called Edina. You will know that is it exclusive since Olroy grew up there.

Well anyway, it hasen't for a few years but at one time it used to get rreeeaalllly cold here. Like 30-40 below zero. Several years ago it was an expecially cold morning. I remember that 200 miles north of here they clocked a 60 below. Here at my house it was like 38 below. On a popular radio station WCCO the morning guy was having people call in with the temperature. I was hearing Savage -35, Chaska -41, Buffalo -42, the I heard Edina 82. We laughed for 15 minutes.. If you are in California right know, trust me on this...that was really funny.

I worked in maintenance on a large campus of buildings. Each of us carried a two-way radio and we used them all the time. We had a female HVAC technician that had a co-worker assist her with replacing a temperature switch called a freeze-stat in an air conditioning unit. This sensor has a tiny copper element that must be fed through a small hole on the outside of the unit, my female friend was giving play by play directions to her male co-worker of his progress. phrases such as "ok Terry, stick it in again, maybe you can get it right this time" and "no, that's no good, lets try it again" had us rolling on the floor. She would even comment "I can take some more if you want to" and "can you twist it a bit, I think it's hanging up". She never knew she had such a demented audience on the other side of the radio..

the best of comic writers couldn't make up this stuff. I read that Buster Keaton said that slipping on a banana peel was not funny but stepping over a banana peel and then falling in a manhole was.

Around a half-century ago, airplanes were pulled along by big fans in front, instead of being pushed by squirts of hot air blowing out the back. They cruised leisurely in easy sight of events on the ground. There were fewer planes in the air those days, and radio discipline was casual.

A Navy R5D (a 4 engine, fan-type airplane like the civilian DC-4) was on a monthly Naval Reserve "training flight" from Denver to Biloxi to pick up shrimp for the officer's mess. On its return, it cruised leisurely over an impressive campus in Texas. Bantering with a controller, the co-pilot looked down, and asked, "Is that the Sam Houston Institute of Technology?" A previously silent voice roared in, "Yah, good ol' S.H.I.T." The airwaves erupted, and for a few minutes anyone calling "Mayday," would have been S.O.L.

About 40 years ago, on a quiet afternoon in Viet Nam, an unknown radio operator with a case of nerves kept keying his mike & blowing in it. Irritation on the radio net increased, and after awhile, a voice with a heavy Australian accent broke in, "Yer been blowin' in me ear for an hour, mate, When yer goin' ter kiss me?"

quote:

Originally posted by olroy:
About 40 years ago, on a quiet afternoon in Viet Nam, an unknown radio operator with a case of nerves kept keying his mike & blowing in it. Irritation on the radio net increased, and after awhile, a voice with a heavy Australian accent broke in, "Yer been blowin' in me ear for an hour, mate, When yer goin' ter kiss me?"

In my Army outfit, it was a serious offense to blow into a mike. Some people did that before speaking, either to get attention or to check the mike. EMs and NCOs and officers alike got guard duty all weekend.

DC4 trivia: The original design developed into a turkey, and was rejected by AAL and PAA before completion, but United stuck with it. They kept the first one made for only a ahort time and told Douglas to come and get the pig. Douglas stopped production and sold it to a Japanese airline. It really went to the Japanese navy to be analyzed and copied. They made a few, and they were also pigs. Ended up used as short haul transports. They were even worse than the Douglas version.

Douglas cleaned up their act and made it into a good airplane, and the military took all of them during WWII, and they served well as C54s and the aforementioned R5ds. A few postwar 4s made it to the airlines. The DC4 morphed into a stretched and pressurized version, the DC6, which became one of the most successful transport planes ever.

Bill this is a comedy thread, that was interesting but not funny, or did I not get it?

I was lucky in 1968 I didn't go to Viet Nam I went to Korea 2nd Infantry Div. and I was stationed about 4 miles from the Injim River about as far north as you can go and not be North Korean. But I was in a town called Yongugo with was famouse for ....."girls"..nuff said.

Well I never had to do guard duty because I played bass guitar for a living and I was an E-5 when I got there. But the guard duty was pulled on top of a hill outside the fence and there was a little shack up there. I was common knowledge that many times the guards were visited by "friendly" women periodically. Now I wasn't there when this happened but I was told that there was a guy partaking if you will and leaning on the radio button. That broadcast went to all of the S-4 hooches in the division.

quote:

Originally posted by Dave Bowers:
Bill this is a comedy thread, that was interesting but not funny, or did I not get it?

Aw, Heck. I thought the part about the Japanese copying an aircraft design rejected by all US airlines was mildly amusing. It even followed on Roy's R5D/DC4 reference, so I avoided the dreaded accusation of thread drift. Someday I will tell a Japanese boat-copying story.

Most of my funny microphone stories involve words I dare not use on this forum.

I heard a similar guard/microphone/girl story, but it involved someone else sneaking up and keying the mike.

quote:

Originally posted by Dave Bowers:
I was common knowledge that many times the guards were visited by "friendly" women periodically.

Wow, I have a relative who served in that same area before 68.

To quote him "that entire camp could have been overrun by several strategically placed friendly women."

This is funny only in the context of the difference in airline services today, but El Segundo Bill's reference to the DC-6 reminded me.

In the '50s I had a traveling job out of Denver that required an occasional trip to Salt Lake City. On the return I'd always fudge my schedule to catch the Western Airlines Flight (DC-6) that offered a choice of chicken cordon bleu, filet mignon, & crab louis for dinner. That's in coach, mind you, I don't know what the folks in the expensive seats got.

No lie folks, that's really how it was on the airlines then.

I recently flew from Seattle to Minneapolis & back. The cockpit & cabin crews were both picking up stuff at McDonald's in the terminal. I said, "Oh-oh."

for aircraft buffs especially WWII
http://www.aopa.org/News-and-V...ust/Pilot/f_talltale