The European Union has found a way to improve upon the english language. Below, is a secret copy that has been leaked out of the vaults of the EU.
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EURO-ENGLISH: The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the European Community – rather than German (the other possibility). Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5 year phase-in of new rules that would apply to the language and reclassify it as Euro-English. The agreed plan is as follows:

In the first year, the soft ‘c’ would be replaced by ‘s’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be replased by ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ is replased by ‘f’. This will reduse ‘fotograf’ by 20%.

In the third year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent ‘e’s in the language is disgrasful, and they should eliminat them.

By the forz year, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’ (saving mor keyboard spas).

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibil riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!


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Dav

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Hmmm. Some food for thought in this idea. That acerbic wit of the early 20th century, George Bernard Shaw suggested "fish" should be spelled "ghoti." "Gh" as in eouugh, "o" as in women, and "ti" as in nation.

[This message has been edited by olroy (edited December 12, 2005).]