Many of you know that I generally don't like these hokey chain emails we all get, with the exception of the ones I get from a couple people. But I received this one today from a friend and I just had to share it with you..

ECONOMICS ACCORDING TO COWS - UPDATED

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to
support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other,
pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down
sized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you
really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's
private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while
they were in the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the children".
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.





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It seems to me the economic policy, sponsored by our tax paid for politicians, Republicans and Democrats alike, is to crush the American middle class and bring it down to were we as a society are on equal ground with the rest of the developing world. How many years will this take, not many, what with the out-sourcing of jobs to cheap foreign labor markets and not enforcing the current trade agreements. I guess I watch Lou Dobbs too much. We need to re-think and/or redo every trade policy. We need to penalize multi-national companies that reside in our country that prove to be anti-American in how they run their companies and doing so ruin America.

I remember in the 50’ths when I was growing up, it took one worker in a family and they were almost always the Fathers, to support a modest lifestyle. Now it takes two. The next generation it may take three. We will have to abolish the monogamy laws in order to do so – maybe import extra marital partners to meet the demand. The quality of the jobs available today pay poorly and are mostly service related – not bad if you like working at Wal-Mart tho. Just my thinking – no reply required.


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Barth Wannabe
Nick and Glo

Hi Nick,

I posted the email because I felt it hit everyone pretty equally, and I thought the California one was really funny. Since I am a former Californian I felt I could do that.

However, Nick, Deb and I were talking about exactly that recently. I am usually the guy who says that there there was no such thing as the "good 'ol days" especially when you look at advances in medicine, car safety, technology etc. However, I remember a time when the guy selling tires at Sears had a pretty good job and a butcher was right up there next to a lawyer. Used to be a factory worker made $12k a year and the owner of the factory made $35K now the factory worker makes $25K and the owner makes $1.2 million. I don't know, I just want to retire to an Arizona desert somewhere....

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Sub Commander Dave:

Viva Barth! Today the water pump, tomorrow; Quartzite!

Dave, there is a place for you in the revolution.

Timo

P.S. Mr Ashcroft, just kidding. No one here except us chickens boss.

P.P.S. For Sale: Located in Los Angeles, from Bakersfield, second owner. One transgendered cow, very well formed and firm udder, eats lip stick and hair spray if not watched but keeps the lawn well trimmed, house broken. Will take Pre 1974 T34 in trade.


[This message has been edited by timnlana (edited April 20, 2004).]

[This message has been edited by timnlana (edited April 20, 2004).]