9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid can't stop.

There are three types of people in this world. People that can count and those that can't.

There are 10 types of people - those who understand binary numbers and those who don't.

"Sure it's OK - throw the switch!"

I am thinking of starting a mobile anvil repair business.

"How hard could it be?" That's my Favorite when it comes from someone who has never turned a wrench.

"Do you have any halogen fluid?"

An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure

This is not a one liner but funny.

There were three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer.

Suddenly, the car stops running and they pull off to the side of the road wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault may have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

The Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, came up with a suggestion. "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, and open all the windows and see if it works?"

Laws for a beginner engineer.

Law #1: In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.

Law #2: Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm.

Law #3: In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables.

Law #4: The best approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will not begin to meet those conditions encountered in actual service.

Law #5: The most vital dimension on any plan drawing stands the most chance of being omitted.

Law #6: If only one bid can be secured on any project, the price will be unreasonable.

Law #7: If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent production units will malfunction.

Law #8: All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0.

Law #9: Major changes in construction will always be requested after fabrication is nearly complete.

Law #10: Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.

Law #11: Interchangeable parts won't.

Law #12: Manufacturer's specifications of performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.5.

Law #13: Salespeople's claims for performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.25.

Law #14: Installation and Operating Instructions shipped with the device will be promptly discarded by the Receiving Department.

Law #15: Any device requiring service or adjustment will be the least accessible.

Law #16: Service conditions as given on specifications will be exceeded.

Law #17: If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.

Law #18: Identical units which test in an identical fashion will not behave in an identical fashion in the field.

Law #19: If, in engineering practice, a safety factor is sent through the service experience at an ultimate value, an ingenious idiot will promptly calculate a method to exceed said safety factor.

Law #20: Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.

Law #21: The rule for engineers: "Change the data to fit the curve."

Law #0: Nothing is so simple that it cannot be done wrong.

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


The probability of being seen is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee..


Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Wort's Law: "No device will work closer to manufacturer's specs than when the tech tests it to determine why it seems to have failed."

quote:

Originally posted by Bubba Barth:



After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee..

That has even more meaning to heavy aircraft mechanics............the hydraulic fluid used (Skydrol)is very unkind to delicate areas of the body.

Tighten it till the threads strip, then back off a quarter-turn.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

RFT is a torque spec.

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

A Higgs boson walks into a church, “We don’t allow Higgs bosons in here!” shouts the priest. “But without me, how can you have mass?” asks the particle.

Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match.