From Back When Insults Had Class...



· "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

· -- Winston Churchill

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· "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

· -- Clarence Darrow

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· "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

· -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

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· "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

· -- Groucho Marx

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· "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

· -- Mark Twain

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· "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

· -- Oscar Wilde

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· "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."

· -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

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· ..followed by Churchill's response:

· "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one."

· -- Winston Churchill

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· "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."

· -- Stephen Bishop

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· "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

· -- John Bright

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· "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

· -- Irvin S. Cobb

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· "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."

· -- Samuel Johnson

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· "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."

· -- Paul Keating

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· "He had delusions of adequacy."

· -- Walter Kerr

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· "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

· -- Mark Twain

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· "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

· -- Mae West

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· "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

· -- Oscar Wilde

"Hi, nice coach. Who makes Barth,..... Fleetwood?"

You say its a Barth , I see a Bookmobile.

How many slides do you have in your Barth?

Lady Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband, I would fix you a glass of poison."

Churchill: "And if I were your husband, I would drink it."

Pompous, self-righteous woman: "Sir, you are drunk."

Churchill: "Indeed, Madam, and you are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."

On a bumper sticker attached to the auto of a lady of "Rubenesque" proportions: "I may be fat, but you're ugly -- and I can diet."