The light has leaked out of my Barth handle (either that of the blub is full of darkness!) - and all the mounting screws are buggered up.
How do you replace the bulb and will I have to remove both top and bottom mounts?
Thanks in advance!

PS - if a tree falls in the woods...do the other trees laugh at it?

If a few of the newer members haven't been introduced to the Dark Sucker theory, it's mandatory reading when discussing light subjects.
Posted 11-12-2003 03:42 PM Hide Post
Originally posted by bill h

Since we have a few of scientific bent here, I will share the truth on light and darkness:

There is no such thing as a light bulb, let alone a "mood" light. Just as there is no such thing as cold, only the absence of heat, there is no such thing as light, only the absence of dark.

For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.

So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker. The dark which has been absorbed is then transmitted by pylons along to power plants where the machinery uses fossil fuel to destroy it.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.

There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle.

This is easily proven for lightbulbs too. When you compress a gas, it gets hot, right? So the light bulb gets hot because of all the dark being squished into the wires.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Dark Suckers are only able to suck dark in a straight line. Dark, because of its mass, will not penetrate solid, opaque objects as it is being sucked by a Dark Sucker. When a Dark Sucker is operating, you will notice that dark that is behind a solid, opaque object does not flow through the object or around it to the Dark Sucker. Some of the dark will accumulate on the side of the object away from the Dark Sucker as the Dark Sucker attempts to pull it through the object. These residual patches of dark are often referred to as `shadows.'

Some surfaces are able to function as secondary Dark Suckers by sucking the dark from behind solid objects at an angle and then rerouting it to the primary Dark Sucker. These surfaces have a property we refer to as `reflective.'

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

So next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is not a light emitter but a Dark Sucker.
Credit to bill h for this informative lesson.

Dark Sucker theory notwithstanding, the bulb socket will be exposed by removing top section only, allowing handle to be lifted out....just be sure to line-up bottom slit on plastic handle when reinstalling....screw extractors are common
Lowes/Home Depot items, or, with a Dremel you can cut new slot deep enough to get a bite w/ screwdriver.....

Thanks, I did notice that the top screws are easier to get to!
PS - I did get the reference - thats why I said the bulb was full of darkness - we can also get to British theory that that all wires are full of smoke and if you let the smoke leak out they will no longer work.

Sometimes a left-handed drill bit will do the job. Someone makes a tool that is a left-handed drill bit on the tip, then is an extractor. If the left-handed drill doesn't do the job, the extractor digs in and does it for sure.

I understand the darksucker theory, however, not being a physicist or darkologist I need a little help in understanding why...? Dark has mass, right? Why does my portable darksucker not get heavier after prolonged use? If I can't get this enigma resolved I may lose a lot of sleep, please.....

quote:

Originally posted by Dick Dubbs:
I understand the darksucker theory, however, not being a physicist or darkologist I need a little help in understanding why...? Dark has mass, right? Why does my portable darksucker not get heavier after prolonged use? If I can't get this enigma resolved I may lose a lot of sleep, please.....

Something to do with auntie matter....theory of relatives and all that stuff.

quote:

Originally posted by Dick Dubbs:
I understand the darksucker theory, however, not being a physicist or darkologist I need a little help in understanding why...? Dark has mass, right? Why does my portable darksucker not get heavier after prolonged use?

There is a balance in the universe. Otherwise, things would come undone. This goes back at least as far as Pythagoras, but Kepler was the first modern to fully explain it. Unfortunately, in the 17th and 18th centuries, religion entered the debate, and thought split up from there. We had the Deists' Divine Watchmaker theory fighting with the Theists, and later, the nebular hypothesis, etc. Even Hobbes got into the act.

The poetry of Tesla alludes to some of this, but it is very arcane and can be interpreted to suit the reader, so I do not cite it as a verifiable source.

Anyway, for every Dark Sucker, there is a Black Hole. Every time a Dark Sucker gains weight, its analog Black Hole loses weight, which results in a minute adjustment of gravity, as we experience it on earth. This is not reflected in our readings of mass on our scales, but, nevertheless, exists. The only time a Dark Sucker's increase in mass could be measured would be outside the influence of Black Holes, which only exists in theory or Ed Wood movies.

This whole concept is understood by only a few, most notably the Trilateral commission, the Bilderburgs, the Illuminati and perhaps HAARP.

And they ain't tellin'.

Stephen Hawking knows, but he is afraid of them.

Yoose guys need to move to Washington.....I see the potential for some really meaningful government careers here......

quote:

Originally posted by Lee:
Yoose guys need to move to Washington.....I see the potential for some really meaningful government careers here......

Interesting observation. One of my sons has an application pending for membership in the Council on Foreign Relations. Can he use you as a recommendation?

quote:

Originally posted by chrisW:
Thanks, I did notice that the top screws are easier to get to!
PS - I did get the reference - thats why I said the bulb was full of darkness - we can also get to British theory that that all wires are full of smoke and if you let the smoke leak out they will no longer work.

Evidently there are some adherents to the British theory in Texas.

Lightning strikes! (posted 9/17/07)

Thanks to an almost direct lightning hit our entire phone system and roadrunner system both had the "smoke let out" of them. It has taken almost a week to get the smoke back in. We apologize for the almost complete lack of communication during that time.

Eriksen Marine now has a complete brand new phone system and as a result some of our prompts have changed. Those have been the same for almost ten years and I know most of you are used to them. Here is a quick reference for the new ones.

quote:

Originally posted by bill h:

Anyway, for every Dark Sucker, there is a Black Hole. Every time a Dark Sucker gains weight, its analog Black Hole loses weight, which results in a minute adjustment of gravity, as we experience it on earth. This is not reflected in our readings of mass on our scales, but, nevertheless, exists. The only time a Dark Sucker's increase in mass could be measured would be outside the influence of Black Holes, which only exists in theory or Ed Wood movies.

This whole concept is understood by only a few, most notably the Trilateral commission, the Bilderburgs, the Illuminati and perhaps HAARP.

And they ain't tellin'.

Stephen Hawking knows, but he is afraid of them.

Hmmm....so each dark sucker is joined in a network of worm holes to black holes...so if I could cram myself into a light bulb (dark bulb) then time travel would be possible?

Is that why I look older under bright lights but younger in the dark?

quote:

Can he use you as a recommendation?

....I'm from Washington Bill, which means I don't condemn, condone, support or reject anything, with the possible exceptions of finding more innovative ways to rob from Peter to pay Paul and getting myself re-elected........